Well there, I'm back to early rising, evidently. 5am on a Saturday morning.
Although, I might have to get used to it. I have an interview Monday at the Hilton Garden Inn for a breakfast server. Shifts there would start at 5am, which would mean getting up around 3:15am. That would be a second job in addition to the Dysart's serving gig. Because, as you all know, I'm trying to figure out a way I can afford to move back to the lake.

I also have an interview this week with the casino for a full time job, but unless it pays really, really well, that won't be enough to cover all the expenses. And with the hours it has, it wouldn't really leave time for a second job. (Not to mention, it would be weekend nights, so it would mean no more band). Two tip based jobs, however, would be just right, with a little bit left over each month.

The lakehouse that's coming available through my old landlord is bigger and more expensive than my old lakehouse was. Both in rent, and in heat. I can't do it alone unless I'm working two jobs. Phil will most likely be moving in, but that won't happen for a while. So until then, I'm on my own. Honestly, this part time breakfast server position (three to four days a week), plus my five nights at Dysart's would probably be just right. I'd still have time during the days to enjoy the lake, and a couple days off a week, I'd still see the sun rise over the lake three or four mornings a week, and be able to pick the boy up from school each day, and Dysart's doesn't close that late, so I'm not home super late... It should work out just right. So, fingers crossed for Monday's interview. The restaurant manager must have been fairly impressed with my resume; she called me two hours after I dropped it off. So anyway, back to the lakehouse...

I don't know if you all remember my old lakefront view... I had three birch trees on my beach. There was good and bad about that. It was quite pretty in the fall. But it kind of obstructed the beach, and the view at times. It provided nice shade, but at the same time, blocked some nice sunshine on the beach. This is the beachfront at the new lakehouse... (it's a little rounded because it's a panorama)...

Anyway... I really do want to go back. I just need to figure out how to make it work.

There are a few drawbacks to the place, of course, just like any place. First of all, there's no laundry. And Tom (the landlord) used to own a laundromat, so that made things a bit more tolerable- just drop off our laundry, and pay the cost of the machines to have it washed, dried, and folded. That was nice! Unfortunately, he's sold the laundromat. So no more of that. There are hookups in the house, so I'm hoping I can negotiate. I doubt he'll go for it though. He's never allowed it before. He put several thousand dollars into a new septic system in the camps there, and for whatever reason, doesn't want the laundry going through them. So what will we do? Ugh. Do laundry at moms? At a laundromat? How terribly inconvenient.
Also, there's the water. It's rusty and metallic and yucky. You can't drink it, and I never cooked with it. Well, you can drink it and cook with it, it's probably harmless, but it tastes like shit. It turns your shower orange (you have to consistently use rust remover cleaners). It's hard on my color treated hair.
There's no tub, only a shower stall. (Although... I was so excited about finally having a tub again here- and I've only taken two baths in the last year.)
There is only one bathroom, as opposed to two here.
And it's poorly insulated like most of his camps, so it will be chilly in the winter.
And we'd be renting, not owning. Which, is not a pro or con to me. I don't mind not being a homeowner. It takes a lot of pressure and stress off me, quite honestly.
It will cost a little more to heat than here would.
And of course, the monthly payment. It is almost $400 more a month than living here. That's the big one. Unless for some reason I can negotiate a lower rent with Tom because we have such a great relationship (as I did with the first house), and because of the laundry situation.

There are pros, bonuses, too, though.
It is already a three bedroom; there is no need to invest money to finish off an addition as we would need to do here.
There is much more living space.
One of the bedrooms is quite large enough for both Jack (Phil's young teen son) and Dawson to share (even though Jack rarely ever comes to visit), unlike the addition here, which is smaller.
And then there is the lake... That's like one hundred marks in the pros column. Seriously though, how cool would it be for a little girl to live on a lake and be able to go swimming every day? Or a teen boy and his buddies? Or, for ME?

Then again, I haven't even talked to Tom yet. The current tenants haven't given their notice yet, so I haven't been able to call him just yet.

What if... what if he won't allow the dog??? What will I do then??? Oh god, I don't want to think about that. I don't want to have to make that choice. I'm just hoping that since him and I had such a great relationship, and since he let me have Flash while we were there, that he will let us have this one. I can't even imagine, after almost a year of being miserable, and regretting my decision every day, and wanting to go back so badly, and the opportunity to go back coming around, and then having to choose between it and this dog... Please lord, don't let it come to that...

And then there's the issue of this place. What to do? I've spoken to the people who owner financed it to me. They of course said- well, you always have the choice of just walking away from it, and treating the last year as if you were paying rent. I was like- and lose my $2600 deposit?? No way!!  Then they suggested selling it outright and paying them off. Well, easy for them to say. It is a beautiful trailer, but it's old enough so that a bank won't provide financing, and so I'd most likely sit on it for quite some time (while trying to pay for it, and the lakehouse at the same time). Then they offered to buy me out of my contract for $1000. So I'd basically lose $1600 of my deposit. I told them I'd do it for $1500. Basically, they offered because the taxes are paid (I paid them this year), it's in beautiful condition, they still walk away with most of my deposit, and can turn around and owner finance it to someone else and take yet another deposit. I figure- if I lose $1100, that's the equivalent of two months payments here. If I sat on it for two months while trying to sell- I would have paid that out anyway. So I should probably make that $1500 deal. There's my deposit on the lakehouse.

So anyway....

As you can tell, I'm pretty much obsessed. It's all I can think about. Every morning, all day long, actually, I'm crunching numbers, trying to figure out the best approach at how to pay the monthly rent there and all my other expenses.

I was so excited this week when I "quit smoking" and went to the vape, and freed up $230 in my monthly budget. And that lasted a whole three days. That third morning, I completely caved. Not just one or two, but totally fell of the wagon and went right back to my usual chain smoking. And I cried the whole time. I was so excited to have freed up some cash to put towards the lakehouse expenses, and then I just couldn't do it anymore. Not even the lakehouse budget could keep me straight. Sigh.
Everyone keeps saying- oh just keep trying, oh don't give up, keep vaping, cut back, try again, bla bla bla friggin bla. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just isn't going to work for me. Not now, maybe not ever. I just don't know. But I'm not doing it right now. I can't.
At least once I start working two jobs I'll have less time to smoke. That's one bonus.

But onto some other news...

I don't know if any of you noticed this week on Facebook or not, but I posted a few pics of Dawson this week, one of which was him and the dog in bed in the morning. He spent two nights here this week!! He initially just came over one day after school to hang out and play video games while I was at work, and planned on going back to his dad's when I got home. But then we had a serious heart to heart one day, I think it was Tuesday. And I had to make some exceptions. In the end though, he agreed to start staying with me again. He even said we'd go back to the normal schedule (sun-wed/sun-thurs alternating). And so he stayed here that Tuesday night and Wednesday night as well. And Thursday he was in no rush to head back to dad's, he was happy to just hang around here. He even asked if him and his friend could come spend the night here Saturday night. I said no, because I'd be at work and they'd be here alone, but it was still nice!
I'm so beside myself! I'm trying to stay grounded, because I just never know with him. It could change. He could go back to wanting to stay with his dad, I just don't know. I hope not. I hope this lasts. I want my boy back. I want our relationship back. We used to be so close, best of friends, really. And this week, it felt like that again. We talked and laughed and hung out. It was so wonderful. I don't think I've been that happy in a quite some time.
I'd better increase the budget! I'd forgotten how much a teenage boy can eat!!
But it will be SO WORTH IT!!

We are all going to see the lakehouse this morning. Dawson and I have seen it. I'm actually quite familiar with it, as I cleaned it and showed it for Tom when the last tenants left last year. Dawson saw it then too. But Phil has never seen it, and so I'm bringing him over. And Dawson wants to go with us as well. When he found out I was thinking of going back to the lake, he said- I think you should go back. I said- Why? And he said- Because you were happy there.
He knows I wouldn't be right next door anymore, but he also liked being on the lake.

I think Phil is hesitant because of the expense. And of course, it gives me pause as well. But I am determined to figure out how to make it work. With, or without him! Lol. I hope it is with, and I hope there is no resentment on either side when all is said and done.

I just keep telling myself... the lake will be worth it.

I've rambled far too much for one day.

Be well.