I haven't really written anything in over a month. That's unusual, I suppose.
Nothing changes really, so even if I did write, it would all seem like the same material. And nothing much has changed in the last month, either. But I felt like writing. And so, on with it.

We made it through Christmas. My boy made it through.
It was quite strange this year. Trying to feel celebratory, embrace the holiday spirit, etc, etc... But it just wasn't the same. Sadly, it never will be.
My heart broke a little more over the holidays for him and his family.
But we made it. They made it.

Financially I certainly didn't come out unscathed. I overspent, as I do every year. This year probably considerably worse. It's amazing the amount of shit you'll buy in effort to bring a smile to your child who has suffered so much pain.
I don't care about it. Bills will be paid late until tax time. Merely an inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.

Although I do have much to think about, as always...

I need to get back to school, and soon. I can't tend bar till retirement age. Who wants to look at a 65 year old bartender? Nobody, that's who.
Since I can't decide what I want to be when I grow up, I'll probably just go for something practical. I am looking into the administrative associates degree at Beal. That'll be easy, inexpensive, and it'll give me a refresher in office work (which I used to do years ago). And, it'll make me hire-able for work like that.
Classes will have to be part-time. Very part-time, considering my schedule at the bar. I'll have to figure it out.
I've got to do something. I'm not getting any younger

I sure could use a newer, more reliable vehicle. I'm just not sure how to budget a car payment. The easy answer would be to quit smoking. Unfortunately, I really have no desire to. Regardless of the health risks, the finances... I just don't want to. I don't drink, I don't gamble, I don't do drugs... I have that one vice (well, besides coffee), and I don't want to give it up. Silly, I know.
Perhaps I could cut back on my dunkin coffee spending. There's at least half a car payment monthly.
Blarg. That sounds like a bad idea, too.
Damn addictions.

I have another big life/financial decision to make soon as well.
I stumbled upon a trailer for sale in west Glenburn. It's in a nice park out that way, on a huge lot. It's the last home on the street, actually, so it's quite private. The lot rent is very inexpensive. I always said, when I ever move again, it'll either be because- A: I met prince charming, and I'm moving in with him (which is certainly NOT the case, and doesn't appear to be in my near [or far] future), OR, because, B: I have a chance to own something, OR- C: so I can be closer to Dawson's dad's house.
Well, here's my chance to own something. And let me start by explaining, I'll never be an actual "home" owner again (No house on it's own land. Too much maintenance). Not to mention, and probably more importantly/accurately, I'll (unfortunately) never credit-qualify again, or be able to afford it on my single income.
And coincidentally, there is a trail that goes from this park directly to Ben's property. I can't get much closer to Dawson than that.
It's owner financed, and I will have to negotiate the terms (I'm not crazy about them). He is still in the process of overhauling it from his previous tenants, and it won't be ready for probably another month or so.
Dawson really wants to move there. We have friends that live in the park, and his uncle as well. We know everyone in the area. And it's so close to his dad's. Just a couple minute snowmobile/four-wheeler/dirtbike ride. Or walk. It's literally just around the corner.
Logan had some comical, yet wise words... That's all great, but remember to do what YOU want to do, not just what Dawson wants to do.
I hate the idea of leaving the lake (at least during the summertime). It's been such an experience... My dream come true, really (again, at least in the summertime). And if this were happening a year from now, when I've had just one more summer to enjoy lakeside living, I would probably just jump on it. But alas, timing never works in my favor. Or maybe it does. Here's my chance to own a little place. Not land, but at least a little place. Be super close to Dawson. To quit renting. Financially, even with the costs associated with mobile home living (I've lived in trailers before, I know all the positives and negatives that come along with it), it will still be a fairly substantial savings.
So much to think about. Sigh.

I tried to do the socializing thing this weekend.
Friday night I went to a bar up north, primarily to check it out for a customer of mine who recently took it over. I observed, offered some advice, and turned down a job offer.
I ran into a childhood friend (I'm originally from that area). Her parents and my parents were best friends growing up. We reminisced about the time they moved us across country to California. The old days when our parents played in bands together, etc etc.. It was nice.
I met up with a girlfriend whom I haven't seen in ages. That was nice, too. While I wasn't observing, we chatted and visited. And it was funny, though, that we both felt out of our element.
Saturday night I attempted to stay after work to hang out for the playoff party. And I did so, for a bit. One of my customers said something quite funny- "Let me guess, you've got the couch to get home to, pajamas, the dog, all so you can write a long facebook post about being alone."
Yup, that sounds about right.
I'm not sure when I lost the ability to "be social". I guess it's been a slow process. I've tried to go down to my "old stomping grounds" in Bucksport, hang with people there. I've tried to stay after at work and hang. I haven't gone out dancing to a live band in quite some time (I miss that. But there's really no one to do it with anymore. Everyone is busy).
And maybe, over the years, I just got too used to doing all of that with a partner.
I wonder if I'll have one of those again someday?
Probably about as likely as owning a home, drinking less Dunkin, buying a new car, or quitting smoking.

Well, I guess it's time to head to work to do some computer programming.
Be well.