Just a quick blurb before work...

Today marks three years since Dad has been gone.
On Father's day, on his birthday, on his favorite holidays, I tip back a Coors Light in memory of him.
But on the day of his death, I always say- I will not drink a Coors Light today.
And so, I will not drink a Coors Light today.

I will go to work. I will serve Coors Light all day (among other things). I will try and paint on my happy face. I will smile at my customers. I will try not to cry behind the curtain on occasion. I will try not to be short-fused.
I miss him so goddamned much. Especially times like these. Times when I could use his strong presence, his quiet wisdom. As I've always said, he's the only person who ever got me.

Tonight I will take my boy to see Def Leppard. I won tickets as part of my prize package when I won the Penobscot Theatre live band karaoke contest. I won tickets to three other shows as well; Journey (I gave those tickets to Mom and my niece), Bryan Adams, and Hall & Oates. Dawson will be my date tonight. He may have to be my date for all of them. Or maybe I just won't go. I never did like crowds.

(For those of you who haven't seen the video of my performance all over Facebook, I'll insert it here)...

So, anyway... Tonight the boy and I have a date.

In other news...
I wish I could decide what I want to be when I grow up. I have opportunity to go back to school, I did qualify again for substantial financial aid. Now I just have to figure out what to do, what to study, what to pursue. And can/will I actually stick with it this time??
What do I want to be when I grow up? 
I can't tend bar forever.

The lake "newness" seems to be wearing off, at least a little bit. I don't post a lake sunrise picture on Facebook every day anymore. I don't sit in awe of it every day as I used to. 
But I still go to it... Step out my door, stare at it, listen to it, if only for a minute. Each day. 
It's at least temporarily peaceful.

I need to go get ready for work, drop the dog at daycare. Have more coffee. Always more coffee.

Take my mind and take my pain, like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal, heal, heal, heal
...And tell me some things last