(In fact, I think I'll try and start every blog with this, regardless of the content. It's just good karma.)
"5 great things about today":
~I had a very good session with my therapist.
~I got a call for an interview, after submitting my resume just hours before. I interview tomorrow morning.
~I had a great dinner with Logan and Dawson, with lots of comic relief.
~Soccer season is in effect. Cold, but distracting. And fun to watch Dawson compete.
~Helping Dawson with homework, without a fight emerging between the two of us. (This sounds simple, but is in fact a huge feat, lol)...
And so, today wasn't so bad.
Dinner with me and the two kids doesn't happen as often as I'd like (between soccer, college, work, etc)... And tonight it was downright gut-busting. But serious, in moments, as well. There was a lot of talk and laughter.
And no fighting while we do homework??? That's a near miracle.
Funny how the simplest of things, like these, can make a day so much brighter. And a future.
And I'm actually pretty excited about this interview. Maybe not so excited about the job itself... it is a bit conventional for my taste. But then again, I guess everyone has to grow up sometime. Being a receptionist isn't what I've always dreamt of being, but hell, it's not McDonald's.
I think what gets me excited is the fact that the human resource manager called me within hours after I submitted my resume and cover letter via email, and asked if I could interview tomorrow morning. I hate to assume anything, but that certainly seems like a good sign, right?
This job could be the change we need here. Keep your fingers crossed.
The call came in right before I had a very refreshing session with my therapist.
We (of course) discussed the separation and inevitable divorce.
I swore at her, cursed her office; Every time I walk through the door I need the tissue box. What is it about that office, anyway? Damnit. Anyway, I digress...
I need to find more distractions. Work would be good. Soccer is good. Getting together with friends, going out, meeting people. Watching TV, cleaning, listening to music, or even "looking online at rescue dogs" (as per my therapist's advice). :) Distractions will help.
And imagining helps. Imagining, for instance, that my husband did for some reason come home. What would it be like? How would I ever trust him or feel secure and safe again? How would I exist, always waiting for the other shoe to drop? What kind of reality would that be? An awful one. One that no one deserves. Especially not me and my children.
And remembering helps. Remembering that we've done this time and time again. Remembering that I've given all, and never given up. And that he hasn't, and has.
And time. Love doesn't just go away. But it will fade, with time. Time will take it away, ease the pain. Every minute of every day, as insignificant as it may seem, is the passing of time.
And having no regrets helps. I have none. My conscience is clear.
Be well, all.
Live without regret.