tHe haPPy grOUch

tHe haPPy grOUch

Saturday, October 1, 2011

September 19, 2011


As far as last night's note... I think I was just overtired. 
Those alpha brain waves kicking in and wreaking havoc.
But I thought about it. Was even questioned about it.
And so I want to clarify.

Logan and Dawson are both miracles.
But I've never felt close to God.  

In "sagacity", I was going more for the interpreted definition and not the literal.
To revel in someone else's common sense, or way of thinking, that is different from my own.
Maybe I was actually saying I wanted to crawl into someone else's brain for a while, and out of my own. 

I'm not brilliant. But I long to be.
I wish I would have been born a Nobel prize winner or something. 
Maybe then I would have lived a smarter life. 

I live in trepidation.
Everything is cautious (well, aside from the most recent life's decisions).
I want to feel reckless once. Just once. Ok, maybe twice.
Maybe that's what this is. I don't know. 

I did feel, unabashedly, for a time. The newness of a young love.
But again, I think I was speaking on a broader level.
More about miracles. Feeling miracles. Feeling something bigger and more powerful than you or me. 
But alas, I doubt anything like that to exist. 
There is no feeling anything other than what we experience day in and day out. 
Breathe, eat, sleep. 
"Smell the roses"... Ok, now what? 
They smell good. 
That is all. 

Being profound; reading, writing, living profoundly...
The suggestion to read Dalai Lama is probably appropriate.
However, I think he would just inspire the aforementioned feeling.
And without tangible evidence that the feeling is justified.
And therein lies the conflict. 

I'm already experiencing a change and an earthquake in life.
I've lived through several of them, actually.
So I have no idea what that was all about.

And that is all.
Have a nice day.