How a Writer Composes a Customer Service Complaint

 



This is how a writer pens a customer service complaint (and spends over two hours doing so).
(I will use "Corporation" in place of the actual company's name for their anonymity)


Dear Customer Service,

I’ll begin by saying- this countertop stone coating is quite pretty. I had no trouble understanding or executing any part of the process (I’m a handy, mid-life, single woman). I applied a moderate amount of product; I wouldn’t call it a thin coat, nor would I call it excessive. 
And I am pleased with the final result. 
Well, as far as LOOKS are concerned.

Based on the Home Depot description (where I purchased the kit), this product would cover 30-40 square feet. Much like your website states- “up to 40 sqft.” As I mentioned, I am a handy lady. I’ve installed my barn doors, bifold doors, painted my walls (countless times), trimmed out my kitchen and my bathroom, measured, cut, and installed new skirting around my home, etc, etc, etc. I only mention these things so you’ll understand that I knew exactly what I was doing when I very meticulously measured and calculated my kitchen and bathroom countertops. 

Each room has minimal counter space, so I was excited to discover that I would have more than enough product in one kit to do both rooms! My mother was also excited, so she ordered a kit, too! And silly me, I volunteered to do it for her...

But sadly, the kit has not covered the advertised square footage. Not at all. 

The kit contains two quarts of the step 2 stone coating, and I used almost an ENTIRE can in JUST my bathroom. And that’s the room with the LEAST counter space!! And I am just now discovering that "Corporation" doesn’t sell singular add-ons... Wait… WHAT!? For real?!? No, no, no. Say it isn’t so…

As a trusting consumer, I assumed that "Corporation" sold single add-ons, especially since manufacturers with comparable products do. Rustoleum countertop kit offers single additional quarts. Giani countertop kit offers single additional quarts. Beyond Paint (for countertops) doesn’t come in kits, but it offers multiple sizes in case you need a little more (rather than being forced to buy another $99 gallon). 
It seems very convenient (and profitable) for "Corporation," that customers who need just a little more of any one component, will have no choice but to buy -Another. -Complete -Kit.
Customers like me. And my mother.

Unfortunately, I am left with two choices: 
Spend an additional $120 for another "Corporation" kit so I can add to the remains of this one and do my kitchen (even though all I need is one quart of the natural white step 2), -or- buy a different product that does sell single components for if and when I need them. 

What if my mastiff jumps up against the counter to hang out with me while I’m doing dishes? What if my teenage son carelessly drops his anvil on it? What if a cast-iron skillet hits it during one of my adult temper tantrums? 
Well… There goes another 120 bucks, when I might only need a little bit of one part or another. That’s a risk I’ll have to consider IF I decide to stick with this product to finish my project. And for future projects.

I hope that "Corporation" will be an upstanding company and remedy this for us. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go break the news to my retired, fixed-income, 70-year-old mother that she’ll also need to spend an additional 120 bucks just so we’ll have another single can of the step two stone coating in order to do her kitchen.

Sincerely,
Sad Customer Crista (and Mom) from Maine


PS... I hope this has been the most entertaining customer service complaint you've ever read.
PPS... The purchase by my 70-yr-old, fixed-income mother is completely true. The anvil and dog parts are exaggerations. The cast-iron skillet part is possibly conceivable...