tHe haPPy grOUch

tHe haPPy grOUch

Monday, March 25, 2013

My, my, my... such a whirlwind of activity over the weekend, and such little motivation to write about it...

Brief Herc update...
He is well. Doesn't seem to be any more stomach issues at the moment. Still has loose stools, but the diarrhea is gone. Eating, peeing, voiding normally. Acting normally.
We seem to be in the clear for now. But as I've mentioned, he IS the poster child for weird illnesses. And with his multiple chronic conditions already, I am all too aware that we have a limited amount of time to love him.

Logan's boyfriend has evidently decided to put off moving back to California until after prom. Which makes her happy. Well, happier. She is still quite crushed that he's going. I hate seeing her sad...
She is working a lot of hours while going to school and keeping up with studies. It's evident that she is overtired. I can't even bring myself to say- welcome to the real world, kid. Because the real world sucks.

Things "stabilized" here last week only to unravel just as quickly this weekend.
More little earthquakes, that turn into big earthquakes, that turn into discussions of divorce. Well, screaming matches about divorce, rather than discussions, per say.
I'm not even sure how we go to that place. But it happens. Nearly every time we fight. And it doesn't always need to be preceded by a fight. Often times it's just one of us (okay, Troy) discussing how needs aren't being met, and how unhappy he is, and that things will never change, and that we should call it off. Yes, you all recall. We've been here before. A few times.
I try to fix me to fit him, and life goes on.

This time definitely wasn't one of those calm talks about needs and changes and such. This time was much more of a production. Lots of yelling, some crying, cursing. Good and ugly.
Actually, it all began with me bringing up the need for change, for once. Me asking for more improvements, more compromise, more meeting my needs. That's where it started, anyway.
And somehow it turned into everything else.. Money, kids, etc, etc, etc...
It abruptly ended with a theatrical performance of a wedding band flying across the room, a "fuck off, go file the papers tomorrow!", and a slamming of the door so powerfully that the casing came right off.
And so, I calmly walked up the stairs, filled two suitcases, and set them outside.
After a brief interlude of "text fighting", he came to get them later in the evening. Nothing since. Thank goodness. Peace and quiet.
Well, nothing other than noticing that my facebook status went from "married to Troy Varnum"... to simply  "married". Well there. Usually I'm the one who makes those impromptu emotionally charged relationship status changes. Guess he wanted to beat me to it.
Oh well.

And that's really been my feeling since yesterday afternoon- just, "oh well".
Obviously I haven't yet digested any of it. Or maybe not...
Maybe I've just done this sooooo many times with him that I'm beyond panicking.

There IS reason to panic, of course. Financially at least, right away. It's no secret that Troy held all the financial power in this relationship. One of my many mistakes was allowing that to happen.
Honestly, I have no idea what I'll do. No idea.

As far as emotional panic? Eh, this stuff is old hat for me. I'm a pro at breaking up. I'll be fine.
"Oh well".